Monday, November 2, 2015

Don't follow Indonesian "idea" of wedding

As a newly wed, many friends started to asking how was it, how was the wedding went, the budget and so on. Typical Indonesian, dreaming about getting married but somehow terrified with wedding cost. It is a common matter that bothers.

As we know, Indonesian people have crazy tradition with wedding. Apart from culture ceremonies that every ethnic has, but the excessive guests should be invited. That equal with enormous amount of money that not every one that getting married has. Bullshit thing Indonesian keeps actually.

The fact is, the couple who held the wedding don't have that much friends to be invited, those invitations go to parents' friend that they don't really know, siblings' friends that they barely seen, and extended family they barely even remember whom. Hundreds to thousands of people have to be invited.

Such a weighing burden isnt it? The wedding itself can cost hundreds million rupiah for only few hours rent of the venue and food. They have to spending money that they dont have to people they dont know for a moment they do not enjoy.

I am happy that my wedding was enjoyable and beautiful. Simple. 100 invitations for family and close friends only. Well my family is already took 30% of the invitation lol.

It was so simple so hours just passed unconciously. We can spent time with all the guests. Enjoying the food, even the drinks warmed the crowd up. Need nothing more really. Money spent? Not much. Well not much also because of all friends that involved in helping us to made that happen.

So yeah, I realized now and the future wedding couples should also do realized that the life after wedding event is event more precious and harder and need more money. So stop wasting money that you dont have for bullshit. Make it exclusive with only dear ones that attend and save your years from that debt!

Oh yeah I have some thoughts going on on my mind from yesterday conversation with good fellas. Though Im not gonna share it now. So yeah, just think about it, your wedding suppose to be the best day of your journey with your spouse not the day that wrecking your future. We have to keep what necessary from Indonesia, not the silly ideas of ideal.

You would understand. 😉

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Forest Fires in Indonesia

Indonesia covered by smoke from forest fires. Many ecosystem have been destroyed for limited interest. The smoke is so thick to let people see the sun nor breath. Ironic.

As a person that not even touched by the smoke nor the fire, I supposed to be clueless how it feels to be citizen in those areas. People are bragging and ranting about it on social media more often than they educate themselves with the fact. They blame the government for not making it as a National Disaster. They blame the President of Republic Indonesia for this to happened. What a stupid thing to do, really.

It is so obvious that the cause of forest fires wasn't the president. It is done by irresponsible companies whom want to taking advantage for their own benefits. As if it becomes National Disaster then those people who responsible for this to occurred would go free without paying any penny to fix it. And the country does the responsibility. Not fair? We lost!

Then rather being stupid and complaining about it, blaming the government and president for this, and making lunatic comments about things you have no idea about, do some action! We know it all! Action speaks louder!

I really hope that you, people, stop being dumb and make a change. Push those people who burn our forest to turn in to the police and pay for the loss. Support the president to do what he has to do. Pray and apologize for what you've said and done. Help the victim even only small coins you can give. Help them!

I am concern and sad about this issue, but I refuse to be stupid and dumb.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Knows love

Often people were asking me the same question, "What makes you love him?" Or "How could you know when you love someone?" Or "what are the reasons you love him?"

How would I explain to people about something that eyes can't see, ears can't hear, bodies can't feel?

"What makes you love him?"
I have no idea, I guess. I had no intention nor thoughts that I would be this far. What I knew I'm hurt when he's hurt. I cry myself when he cries. I smile when I see his smile.

How could I know when I love someone? I never know, I suppose. But about him, he never leave nor I ever leave. He doesn't add any wasted drama to my days. He cares about me more than he cares about himself. He feels the pain that I feel.

What are the reasons? I even be more clueless. Why do we have a reason to just love?

I don't love someone because of money or wealth, though I would not date anyone that can not lift up to my standard. It's not because I don't accept people for who they are, but how could you guarantee that he understands what I need and make sure my Wellness when he doesn't even able to take care of himself. You couldn't love anyone well if you don't love your self as well, right?

I don't love someone because his looks. Looks have expiration date then it won't matters. Although before it reaches the expiration it could hurt. As long as I feel comfortable to stare at him and enjoy the view, that is enough.

I don't love someone because his status at work, who cares! I have dated an ordinary staff to the boss of the boss. It doesn't fulfill what I need. Then it doesn't even matter at all.

You know, when you love someone, you have to be ready. Ready to lose a part of life that you have fought for. Ready to be a new you in good or bad process that may happen. You will know that you gonna lose and win at the same moment.

You know that you love someone when you can love yourself as much as you love others.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Kepada kosong

Pada debur ombak aku bertanya
Hati siapa kah yang akan tenang, melihat sisi yang terus kosong, hanya terisi di kala ingat
Pada buih sisaan gelombang yang menyisir pasir,
Akankah ada tanda ketika saat langkahku harus dipatok pergi

Pada angin yang menyelongsong tiap helai rambutku,
Kemanakah harus aku beradu
Niat hati terus berpacu, tapi kian pedih goresan pilu
Lalu siapa harus kutodong jawab
Ketika tangis jadilah lalu

Kepada malam aku bertumpu,
Memohon usai lah semua luka
Kepada bulan yang belum lagi bulat,
Kiranya kah mau kau membawanya kembali

(for my little girl that grown up faster. Be strong!)

Monday, July 13, 2015

Dear Mom that gone

Once I was really obsessive about reaching everything I think is good. Once I was full of bullshit dreams. Once she believed that I can...

If one ever asked me, who is my truly inspiration all my life, no doubt only one person comes up. Mother of mine. She had every reason to be admired by almost everyone.

Kind hearted and young spirited, basically draw her up. She is everything I needed. If you ever wonder why I could be who I am right now, then she is the answer.

She never said no for every impossible dreams I had. She never ever said dont to every exploration I did. She never said she was disappointed by me. And she trust each story that I told even once it sounded like bulls. Cause she knew I would never hurt her with lies.

Exactly this date four years ago, she was gone forever. Phisically. Burried and stop breathing. Even at heart I always know she is close, she is still missed. For this four terribly hard years without her, only me grieving like no others would ever know.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

A newborn angel


I may sound overreacting, when my good friend was about deliver the baby to the world. I was worried a little too much. She delivered a beautiful quite big baby girl that I adore so much.

How amazing to hold the little angel with h were squirt eyes and chubby cheek. God is great. Hope I have one anytime soon.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

easter morning

Sometimes I wonder, if you ever thought that I'm worse than the past you have. I dont like to compare my self but, it is one of a measure thing for me. It hurts, when silence occured but did you get the message.

I always am complicated as a human being. None says its different. I feel and experience beyon what you can control. I manage to appear fine, for most of the time I'm struggling to fight myself. O dont think I could explain.

That costs me nothing but realization that losing you would be the deepest heartache that could possibly happens. Though I always taught and make sure to my self that I can survive on my own. I've done that for few years, I could do it more and longer.

As a person that people describe as helpless romantic I found myself that kinda annoying at times. That mixed with a stubborn one inside. Why are we trying to hurting when all we means just seeking for attention. Or dont you get it? You treat me sweetly I'll be a sugar, you mock at me, I'd be a rock, you treat me bad then I'd kill heaven for you. I know it sounds harsh, and it's not the kind of peace I usually earned in discomfort situation.

One day we will talk about it, hopefully. Otherwise silence will always win. Hobbah!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

About love

Since a kid, I always wonder, what would future brings me later? Behind all my cheerfulness I am terrified. Then love came to my life as the age added. The  future still frightens me till now. I wonder if I ever choose a person for a lifetime correctly. After all the things that happened to me, some scars I never stop to fight are still linger.

What would I be in the future with this man? Would I ever be a happy woman standing next to him?  Would I be someone that people I love would proud of?

it kills me.

Though, for the very first time in my life, I am not worried what would I ever be with this man. I still don't know if love can last forever, cause in my short experience love forgotten by time. Then, everytime I see his smile and the way he holds me everytime, I found no reason to stop loving him.

It's like finding the right partner to conquer the world. I sacrifice a lot, he does too, I can see two sides are fighting to be together and work it out. That makes me even more sure about the idea of us.

I just would like to remind myself to be a woman that religiously, spiritually, morally, civilizationly to cherish all the things would happen to us in the future.

For once and the first time, I am sure to love and to be loved.

Friday, March 13, 2015


To the wind that blows around, I would to ask you the things I haven't overcome yet.

To the sun that brightly warms the universe, I would learn something.

Thousands questions confused me, whether I do and did the right ones.

I want this feelings that eating me so slow to vanish and burst to take distance so so so far away from me.

Wonder if I really am strong enough to handle this, or am I also will tumbling as the time pass by...

To whom I may ask, to whom deliver the answers, to whom that giving me strenght, guide me.

I don't like to be defeated roughly, nor winning dirty.

Oh life...