Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Story of my life: 2013

This is the last day of this year, 2013. Things have been changed a lot and many lessons learnt. Met new friends, new experience, new point of view. 2013 could be passed by without compromise, and it was hard for me, although a lot of fun went along. Memories stay and saved. Hope all of you having a blast New Year's Eve and can be a better person also reach all the goals. Over all, no matter how hard your life is, don't ever give and keep moving forward. :')

Furthermore, these are some highlights from my 2013.

NYE 2012-2013

girls date <3 td="">

Sing with the joy, DVT Queens

Show with Only Seven Left by the Dutch Embassy

First date holiday
March and April
Attended vietnamese wedding 

New good vietnamese friends

joined a new community

Broken hearted but have great friends around

swim alot

enjoy car free day

Vesak trip to Borobudur

met someone that gave me a lesson

after few years finally we met again

Met someone that can light my days
Trip to Borneo, Kalimantan

Caesar's wedding
My birthday session 1

Eid Mubarak 

My birthday party

Party with roommates on my birthday
Friend that too tall

Ethnics Fashion Shows

Party with good people

Mel's graduation pool party

Farewell Dinner for Stephen
Party with my former boss

Halloween this year!
Swanky tunes action

European Higher Education fair for Hanze

The sweetest guy ever
Kick out the sadness with these awesome chill people

Christmas lunch with beautiful best friends

dea's birthday :*

Poppy's wedding

Seems like full of happiness right? But this year I was broken heart so badly and transform my self, pushed me to do something more spontan. Was a great lesson to went through. I thank God for everything that happened in my life. I wouldnt be me if I didn't pass all of these. :)


My personality test result

I took a personality test by Carl Jung and the result says i'm an ENFP, which is...

ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of a cosmic whole. They want to both help and to be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. This is rarely a problem for the ENFP, as they are outgoing and warm, and genuinely like people. Some ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality.
ENFPs often have strong, if sometimes surprising, values and viewpoints. They tend to try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade others gently (though enthusiastically) of the rightness of these views; this sometimes results in the ENFP neglecting their nearest and dearest while caught up their efforts to change the world.
ENFPs can be the warmest, kindest, and most sympathetic of mates; affectionate, demonstrative, and spontaneous. Many in relationships with an ENFP literally say, "They light up my life." But there is usually a trade-off: the partner must be willing to deal with the practical and financial aspects of the relationship, and the ENFP must be allowed the freedom to follow their latest path, whatever that entails.
For some ENFPs, relationships can be seriously tested by their short attention spans and emotional needs. They are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting their older and more familiar emotional ties for long stretches at a time. And the less mature ENFP may need to feel they’re the constant center of attention, to confirm their image of themselves as a wonderful and fascinating person.
In the workplace, ENFPs are pleasant and friendly, and interact in a positive and creative manner with both their co-workers and the public. ENFPs are also a major asset in brainstorming sessions; follow-through on projects can be a problem, however. ENFPs do get distracted, especially if another interesting issue comes along. They also tend towards procrastination, and dislike performing small, uninteresting tasks. ENFPs are most productive when working in a group with a few Js to handle the details and the deadlines.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The greatest memory about you

When my friends talking about how their men treat them, I feel the luckiest. Over all those men, the one that stuck in my mind is the best ever and he treated me so damn well ever. Everyone gets jealous when they listened to my story. Sucks that he isn't around  Thank God for brought a decent man like him into my life. but I dont know how to let him know that he is special for me. I wish I could get rid of him since i dont know what he thinks and feels about me, but unfortunately I couldnt, I dont want actually. Even what I have only memories, but my heart is still singing his name. I really hope that there's a moment when I can feel him around my body. Hugging me and kissing me like nothing else matters. Let's universe creates the conspiracy to bring us together in serendipity. I miss him. <3 p="">

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What are you?


How to be sure of something that uncertain. uncertainty is always driving me nuts. Like I want to believe in one thing but then another word can brought me a huge doubtness. I'd rather die because of the truth rather than living in not knowing anything. But, I can't even find the courage and create the form to ask...

law of attraction

The more you realized that small things can give big impact and be thankful for that, the happier you will be. :')

Thursday, December 12, 2013


I miss my mother...  That's the only thing I can say when problems come to me. Not like I take advantage to get a pitty for whatever happens to me, but I just really miss my mom. Whatever happens, she will ask me what makes it happen. Or what's the reason or why is it happens like this. yeah, what i need is actually a chance to understand both sides of the problem. I dont mind to admit and apologize for what I've done wrong. But at least make it civilized.

Unfortunately, only her that has the ability and big personality to do that. You know what's funny? I actually only have my mom, no matter how the bloodline go here and there. Yeah, if I know this life is going to be like this, I might asked my mom to raised me in different way. So I dont have to be open minded, creative, or love to learn. I might be choose to be average, no personal voice, and just follow what older people want me to do. 

Seems like whatever I do is wrong now. Family, i dont feel like i have one. Since whenever I gather with people that named family I always feel intimidated no matter what. No one ever ask how am I doing, not even how am I at that moment. I try to be normal like what they want, but seems always wrong. No I dont have them, I love them so much instead. However, I dont know how to act and react when I am with them. I don't know how to communicate with them. That breaks my heart over time. All this time, I miss them but I don't want to meet them. It hurts.

Am I that naive if I just want to be accepted for whatever I am? Be respected for what I know and chose, be the part of the circle. Be heard and listened. Counted for what's going on inside the family. I'm tired to be the one that only allowed to silent and accept whatever they say about me. Not even have a chance to stand up for my self. To be seen normal not only seen with one eye. Am I wrong if I feel hurt?

I'm not always right, not even perfect. I'm desperate to get the right attention. How am I suppose to act when I face a hard choice I have no body that care to help me discuss about that. I'm tired. I love them and it hurts. I never choose to be born this way. I never choose to life like this. No matter how hard I try to be better, seems it just nothing. And all wrong steps I took are the best thing they want to know and laugh at. Tell me how to communicate with my own family. I wish they know how much I miss them and how much I care about them. I wish they know that in my prayer they're always there, and how i'm afraid losing them. But it will never spoken and they will never know wont they. This is maybe what I call, SKYFALL.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

happy halloween!

Happy halloween everybody!
Realized that I always posting depression things on my blog. I feel pretty bad about that. So this time i'm gonna just update about my halloween night. Was dressed up as Black Swan. had a crazy party.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Unlucky about love

Few days ago a friend of mine said something that actually kinda surprised me, but sounds true. She said, "Wah, Ket, why you're always unlucky about relationship." Yeah, it was retorical question. I always seem lucky at first, but after 2 to 4 months it goes terrible messy. Nah, it's not like I was super sucks at it, I was just loving so much. And I guess It freaked the guys out, somehow. Sad isn't it?

Honestly, what I want is very simple. I don't mind to be away for long, even though I'd be missing him a lot, if it's about the job or whatever he passionate about, I would. Going the distance is damn hard, but it's possible, huh? I don't mind to listen him for hours even I actually want to share something, but to listen whatever he feels is a great thing for me, means he trusts me to know what he feels. I don't mind sleep on the ground, eat street cheap food, even wearing rubber sandal. Because all I want is only him

I want him to let me know most of things. If he is busy, I'd leave him alone, but tell me. If he isn't comfortable with what I say / do, I'd love to be critized, but tell me. I'm just a girl. A girl that loves to be loved and gets attention. 

I agreed. I truly am, I'm easily affected by good moments and take it too serious. But if only you would say it clearly or wait abit until it passed, I'll be back to normal. I'm just a girl, I'm not a mind reader that can understand what would he thought. It's sad... I know...

Experienced a bad broken heart taught me to be strong and through the days to love my self more. Unfortunately, I've been raised educated to share the love to love my self. That was what my mom always showed me and guided me to do. She loved everybody. It made her happy even in the last moment she lived. Some one said, I am helpless romantic. I don't know, is it true or not.

At this point what I have to do now.  Is there no love for me from a guy that I like? Is it that bad? Or am I too good like what some people said? Behind great woman there's a lot of hurts. ugh.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Sneak peek from Borneo

By the boat to Camp Leakey, Tanjung Puting National Park, Borneo- Central Kalimantan.

The reflection of the sky

Baby Agis and mom Ahmat. My fave orang utans so far.

It's worth the jouney to just enjoy the green and the sun

Nothing complete the beautifulness of sunset other than spending it with someone you can laugh with.

Never again

I am getting better. That's what I said. I slowly be braver to start again. I open my self and my heart. Feel what I haven't experienced before. But... I'm still afraid to get hurt again. It was so awful to got thru the hell of hurt. And no way I let it back to me.

It was better than before, I have to work to gain the trust for this new stage. Grow together. I thought it will be easier, but I was wrong.

I hate to take a trip with someone that I'm seeing. It's not because I don't wanna spend time with "him", it just gives me trouble when the trip has come to the end. It already happened twice by now. And I saw the sign of being hurt again.

I'm not sure it just me being over negative and sensitive, or it's a true fact. But to shed some tears for this far, I don't feel okay. I just started to get my self completely together and I have no mercy to let anyone bring me down again.

Tell me what did I do wrong? It's not like I'm being bitchy to say I'm good but I need a guidance, I cant see my own self. Did I really being a bitch? Or even being a fool? I hate to be treated like this. How could I crossing the logic line?

He is a good guy. Also my friends said the same, even warn me to not fooling around. Nice guy doesnt guarantee you won't get hurt, it even refers to you'll get more hurt. The nice guys usually to dumb to realized that their ego was too big and covered their eyes.

Do I need to walk away now? It just started. And you know, I almost never give a second chance, especially for getting hurt. Blame me that I'm being over hard to my heart and people around, but being hurt will tell you something people can't experience in the same way. And if you were me, you know how painful was that for me. I swear I will never be ready to get hurt again.


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Monday, July 1, 2013

Sunday, June 30, 2013