Friday, August 17, 2012

20th Birthday Wish list

This is August!!!! Yesh, today is a special day for me, for my country, my nation. Indeed, today is The Independence Day of Republic Indonesia. In the age of 67, I really wish my country could be better in all aspects, especially education and laws.

Well, August is always be an exciting month for me, because I will face a new challenge. This year is quite hard for me to face. I'm leaving teenage life. *WOW* In less than 14 days I will be officially 20 years old. That's sounds scary... 

I never really ask for birthday present, but wishing isn't forbidden, so I'm writing down my wish list hereeeee! ha ha ha. Who knows, God loves me more this year and send me some angels to give all little things. lol. So here we go!

1. Iphone
2. Camera DSLR Canon (Yeah, as you know, my baby camera has been broken since Februari. My life is abit cranky without camera.)
3. Fuji polalroid brown
4. Java Soulnation 2012 ticket (I want to enjoy James Morrison's performance and Valerius. Pleaseee)
5. New boots!!!
6. New make up kit (never felt enough for this)
7. New leather jacket
8. Mineral virgin base make up by The Body Shop (I actually forgot the right name of it. But it's like foundation with brush and very smooth. Covers everything perfectly!)

Well, only these that I think make sense to wish. Because what I really  need is to be loved and my mom. Ha ha ha. Sounds like I'm an attention seeker, but let's deal with it. I kinda lonely lately. 

I also want to thank my girls for being there and gimme lots of hugs without asked. You gals know I need it. Thanks to Ditha, Gevi, Felice, Jessi, and Dila. I love you girls! 

So don't forget to mark your calendar, August 30th is my day. My holy birthday. Nah jk, my 20th birthday. I'M GETTING OOOOLLLLDDDD!!! lol.
I need to go to sleep now. Love you all as always. Purely.

Ketty xx

Friday, August 3, 2012

Because we're together in good and bad, especially in gloomy mood. love xx

shits in my heart

Hello readers, again i need to say sorry because I have no time to update my blog.  I should write some posts, but then I was too busy with my gloomy feeling. ha ha ha. Not attractive! lol. And I also spent so little time at home, I don't know why my anger is heated up whenever I'm home. For some reasons, I love to run away haha.

This is Ramadhan, fasting month. This is the second ramadhan i go through without my mom. It's even harder than before. I'm turning 20 by the end of this month. I plan to spend this golden time with my best friends in paradise. Hope it will be amazing.

Now, I'm in a stage that I find so hard to deal with. The stage where I'm searching for my future. As I've told before (long ago) I'm lost without my mom. So many sadness have been around me. Trapped me like a donkey. I don't want to stay this way for any longer. Seriously... I'm searching for what I can, what I want, what I need. Searching for guidances, affections, and motivation.

At the moment, Am actually burnt in anger, and I hate it. Why? I'm home and find my self disappointed. I jusr swallow it, the thing that I never able to understand why I can do it this long. It's shit.My life is turned into a mess. More drama happened.

I miss my mom even more. All my dreams seem blur, and I hate it. I feel uncomfortable with my self. I wasn't like this, I wasn't me. But who am I then? I carry the same name and body. I need my mom more than I used to. This life getting tougher, more unfair. Who I need to blame on?

I'm getting more closed, even to my own self. I'm scared that I can't survive. I'm afraid that I'll turn into a loser. The more I feel my self strange. I wish I won't though. It drives me crazy and depressed. But let us see, if God loves me more than I know, I probably will risen up sooner. :)