Monday, July 29, 2013

Never again

I am getting better. That's what I said. I slowly be braver to start again. I open my self and my heart. Feel what I haven't experienced before. But... I'm still afraid to get hurt again. It was so awful to got thru the hell of hurt. And no way I let it back to me.

It was better than before, I have to work to gain the trust for this new stage. Grow together. I thought it will be easier, but I was wrong.

I hate to take a trip with someone that I'm seeing. It's not because I don't wanna spend time with "him", it just gives me trouble when the trip has come to the end. It already happened twice by now. And I saw the sign of being hurt again.

I'm not sure it just me being over negative and sensitive, or it's a true fact. But to shed some tears for this far, I don't feel okay. I just started to get my self completely together and I have no mercy to let anyone bring me down again.

Tell me what did I do wrong? It's not like I'm being bitchy to say I'm good but I need a guidance, I cant see my own self. Did I really being a bitch? Or even being a fool? I hate to be treated like this. How could I crossing the logic line?

He is a good guy. Also my friends said the same, even warn me to not fooling around. Nice guy doesnt guarantee you won't get hurt, it even refers to you'll get more hurt. The nice guys usually to dumb to realized that their ego was too big and covered their eyes.

Do I need to walk away now? It just started. And you know, I almost never give a second chance, especially for getting hurt. Blame me that I'm being over hard to my heart and people around, but being hurt will tell you something people can't experience in the same way. And if you were me, you know how painful was that for me. I swear I will never be ready to get hurt again.


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