Live the life as we want to...
Came the point where I urged myself not to stay how I was. That was my birthday. The turning point where I decided that I have to concern more seriously to my life. I was too playful, defensive, and idealist. I want people to accept me as I am nonetheless. However in real fucking life, I've got to learn, whatever that sounds so good entails a massive sacrifices.
Here I am now. Deadly trying to be someone my people want me to be. Cut off a lots of hang outs, avoiding drinking often, working seriously and continuoing my study. I directly said yes. It sounds terribly awesome. Not in practical experience though.
I dont want to go back to my old self, but I need to hold myself not to be driven by what people want from me. I may not as good as I seem to at first, but then I might think I am not so good myself. Today, I dont want to blame anyone or anything.