|Always hard to say good bye isnt it?|
Two weeks ago, I broke up with AJL/Joost. It was horrible for me to get through, even until now. But then, I have to accept it. It didnt work (yet). Some people say, "Loving the right person at the wrong time." Maybe... I couldn't say that I'm going to move on easily, in fact, I dont want to move on. I still like him a lot. I want him to be happy. I want him to be capable to dealing with his own feeling. I want him to feel grateful he ever had (still has me though) me. Call me naive. I dont give a fuck.
I stayed with him for 9 days. Days full of drama and mixed up feelings. Days that made me happy also sad. I was trying hard to hate, angry, mad to him, but I can't. Although, I never able to change the facts, but I will stay like this. Maybe I'm hurting my own feeling, put my hopes up, at least I do my best for something that worth to fight for. We never know how long we gonna live in this world, right? And I dont want to regret something that I never done just because I am afraid to get hurt or shed some tears. It could be hurt but has better impact.
At the mean time, we both are good. We're not getting back now. Even I wish we could... And tonight I will hop in to a plane back to Jakarta. And my life needs to be continued. If God let us to be together, we will someday. I will never ever forget the best time of being with someone that I had, I never trust and love someone this much before. This is what grown up called sucks. I don't mind to be judged just because my age is not as much as them, however at my age I have experienced alot that makes me stronger in the future. I will never tired to do the best I can try and learn for someone I love. Good things never come easy, toch.
Thanks Joost Lansen, thanks Ho Chi Minh City, thanks my dearest friends wherever you are, thanks my new friends in Vietnam. This has been a great time for me. Well as I told my bestie, when I get back to Jakarta I don't want to be a heavy drinker, gain weight, or being anti-social again. I will show my feelings in positive ways. Maybe I will do what Joost suggested, hit the gym. I need to work and write more though. Love!