Monday, April 8, 2013

Everything happens for a reason

Always hard to say good bye isnt  it?
People may say that I am stupid and crazy to came all the way to here, Ho Chi Minh City, South Vietnam. I maybe am. However, I am so glad I decided to still coming. It was somehow hurtful but at the same time I feel grateful. This is a nice place to hop in. Friendly people, cheap food, good environment, just complicated language and insane road users. Anyway, 12 days staying in the place that you never imagine to visit is something that memorable. I expected nothing, and I enjoyed it alot. This is my last day here, laying on the bed in the hotel with America's next top model college on the TV, I am updating my little forgotten diary. hahaha.

Two weeks ago, I broke up with AJL/Joost. It was horrible for me to get through, even until  now. But then, I have to accept it. It didnt work (yet). Some people say, "Loving the right person at the wrong time." Maybe... I couldn't say that I'm going to move on easily, in fact, I dont want to move on. I still like him a lot. I want him to be happy. I want him to be capable to dealing with his own feeling. I want him to feel grateful he ever had (still has me though) me. Call me naive. I dont give a fuck.

I stayed with him for 9 days. Days full of drama and mixed up feelings. Days that made me happy also sad. I was trying hard to hate, angry, mad to him, but I can't. Although, I never able to change the facts, but I will stay like this. Maybe I'm hurting my own feeling, put my hopes up, at least I do my best for something that worth to fight for. We never know how long we gonna live in this world, right? And I dont want to regret something that I never done just because I am afraid to get hurt or shed some tears. It could be hurt but has better impact.

At the mean time, we both are good. We're not getting back now. Even I wish we could... And tonight I will hop in to a plane back to Jakarta. And my life needs to be continued. If God let us to be together, we will someday. I will never ever forget the best time of being with someone that I had, I never trust and love someone this much before. This is what grown up called sucks. I don't mind to be judged just because my age is not as  much as them, however at my age I have experienced alot that makes me stronger in the future.  I will never tired to do the best I can try and learn for someone I love. Good things never come easy, toch.

Thanks Joost Lansen, thanks Ho Chi Minh City, thanks my dearest friends wherever you are, thanks my new friends in Vietnam. This has been a great time for me. Well as I told my bestie, when I get back to Jakarta I don't want to be a heavy drinker, gain weight, or being anti-social again. I will show my feelings in positive ways. Maybe I will do what Joost suggested, hit the gym. I need to work and write more though. Love!

hakuna matata xxx

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