insecure

As a girl, i hate to admit that i am insecure. I don't want to be an attention whore or something like that. I actually glad when people say that I am cute, pretty, beautiful, or even hot. Unfortunately those compliments still can't break my mind which blocked by society. I still find my self ugly and fat. Definately disgusting to feel this way. Although they keep telling me that i am not fat, i still think i am. Why society defines beauty that way? I mean skinny, porcelen skin, big boobs, and so on. I personally think, skinny is not sexy or hot. But being fat is not fun. Especially when almost all people around you told you to go on diet but at the same time they asking you to eat alot again and again. I'm fucked everytime.

It's funny when my friends call me "crazy" just because I told them I'm not confident. "You are very confident in everything, how could you say you aren't confident?" one said. Yes, I'm pretty confident as a person, confident to say whatever in my mind, frontal, but not for this one. Because of one word "FAT" I always laying under the shadow. It's depressing.

Sometimes I am mad to girls with great body, not skinny but not fat at all, small size already, but keep whining to loose weight. HELLO! Can't you be thankful for your perfection, I could dying to have a body like yours. Can't you understand, skinny is not beautiful. Raaawr.

Again, call me an attentionseeker, insecure bitch, or whatever you want. But please, if you don't know how it feels to be left just because you're not "perfect" or "fat", don't say such a thing!